Things I learned this week:
- If you compare the subject of a personality profile to Willy Wonka, your chances of receiving about a metric ton of chocolate from said subject increase substantially.
- If there is a dog within a 50-yard radius of me, I will find a way to become best friends with it.
And if this guy is anywhere in the vicinity, he will get monstrously jealous.
- Air travel is still a tremendous pain in the ass. (Sorry, Slate.)
- Upon hearing you hail from New Jersey, people who aren’t from the tri-state area will always be astounded when you don’t sound like you’re from Staten Island or the Bronx.
- I only half-watched the last 30 or so minutes of it, but the movie “Something Borrowed” should be renamed “Everyone In This Movie Except John Krasinski Should Be Hit In The Face With A Shovel.”
- Although there are horrible, cruel people in this world, the good will always outnumber them. By a lot.
- Chicken tastes amazing when breaded in Cap’n Crunch and dunked in honey mustard.
OK, OK, so a few of those things I could have guessed (that Something Borrowed would be infuriatingly insipid, Patton Oswalt is better at saying things than I am), and some of those things I already knew (air travel is a major crapfest and Cap’n Crunch chicken is not, namely).