As my extreme detesting of eggs probably indicates, I am not really a breakfast person. I almost never make breakfast, despite Colin chanting “make me breakfast!” at least once a week, because making breakfast for Colin generally means making some lackluster eggs that are probably either overcooked and dry or undercooked and salmonella-tastic, a few strips of bacon (the only thing I eat, healthyyyyy) and occasionally toast. And why am I going to task myself with scouring dried egg and bacon remnants from my cookware when I’m not even getting something that remotely qualifies as a meal out of the deal? I know; I’m selfish.
I do enjoy pancakes, but they can be time-consuming, and since between the two of us, no more than five pancakes get consumed, I’m saddled with about twenty billion leftover pancakes neither of us ever want to eat. And I love hash browns, but I usually lack two important elements for making hash browns (cheesecloth and patience), I’ve stopped setting myself up for disappointment. I also enjoy breakfast sandwiches (sans eggs, of course), but half of the time, if I order one (pork roll and cheese, no eggs, PLEASE no eggs seriously god please), the bleary-eyed short order cook throws some eggs on there because everyone else in the universe orders pork roll, egg and cheese sandwiches and (s)he probably hasn’t had enough caffeine to process this whimsical request. So again, I’ve stopped setting myself up for disappointment.
(Seriously, with the eggs, I feel like Graham Chapman in the Monty Python ‘Spam’ skit, except it’s not as funny because there are never any singing Vikings or cross-dressing Brits.) It’s damn near impossible to find a meal on a breakfast menu that doesn’t include eggs or isn’t slathered in a metric ton of whipped cream and fruit preserves — and NO ONE sees the problem with this.
And the whole idea of brinner (breakfast for dinner) just deflates my happiness. It’s just like, hooray, a bunch of foods I’m ambivalent about are taking over the meal that’s meant for foods I wholeheartedly enjoy. And whenever I want to order lunch or dinner for breakfast – which, sometimes, in some establishments, is totally out of the question – I get mocked. “You’re eating grilled cheese for breakfast?” Um, yeah, it’s not all that different from toast, except instead of having grape jelly smeared across it, it has cheese. And how is a cheeseburger all that different from a breakfast sandwich? The only stark difference I can see is that if I order a cheeseburger, I don’t have to worry about some ding-dong throwing a mound of scrambled eggs on it and ruining my day. Also, a cheeseburger usually comes with fries. I demand deakfast, people! This meal inequality is an outrage!
Although, as of today, I have an important announcement to make.
I am a convert; or at least, I’m on my way. No, I still think eggs are super duper gross, and I still think the lack of deakfast in contemporary society is an atrocity. However, I found a meal (that I originally made for dinner, so perhaps I can make deakfast a thing, after all) that I was actually looking forward to making for breakfast. Maybe it’s because it’s a one-pot (er, pan) meal. Or maybe it’s because potatoes and bacon are the co-stars of this show. And maybe (and this is a teeny, tiny maybe) it’s because I can throw a fried egg or two on top of Colin’s plate — which means Colin gets his eggs, and I still get an actual meal.
Deakfast (adapted from Smitten Kitchen, the grand poo-bah of the food blog world)
4 medium sized potatoes (I usually go with red or Yukon golds), peeled and diced into small (I’m talking tiny) cubes
4 slices thick bacon, diced
half of a medium sized yellow onion, diced
about 10 asparagus stalks, cut into 1-inch pieces
grated parmesan cheese (optional)
sunny-side-up egg (optional. so, so optional.)
Heat a large frying pan over medium heat. Add your bacon and fry it until it’s done, then remove with a spatula or slotted spoon and drain it on paper towels. Leave the heat on and the rendered fat/yummy bacon bits in the pan.
Add the potatoes and let them sit for a couple minutes – this will allow the bottoms to brown. Season them with salt, pepper & cayenne. Once they start to brown, start flipping them over, then letting them cook again for a few minutes.
When the potatoes are about three-fourths as crisped and brown as you’d like them, add your onion. Cook for an additional 5 minutes, or until your onion starts to soften.
Add your asparagus, cover the pan and cook for 5 to 8 minutes (depending on the width of your asparagus), or until bright green and still crunchy. Remove the lid, return the bacon to the pan for another minute, to reheat. Sprinkle grated parmesan over the dish, then re-cover and allow the parmesan to melt, about one more minute. Serve immediately.
PS – Check back within the next couple of days, because I’ll be doing my first-ever super cool product giveaway!